Chapter 75: Reaching Out and Learning
If she wanted to understand other people’s feelings, then she had to start connecting with them.
After a whole night of thinking, Evelia woke up early, put on her maid outfit, and headed straight to the kitchen.
The kitchen was already very busy in the early morning as everyone worked to prepare breakfast for the entire manor. When Evelia walked in, the experienced chefs were already hard at work. The smell of fresh bread and porridge filled the room.
“Good morning, everyone.”
“Ah, good morning, Miss Evelia!”
Everyone was used to seeing Evelia around by now. After all, she always came to make those special tomato-flavored snacks just for Armand at every meal. So even though she wasn’t officially part of the kitchen staff, she was always welcome to come and use her personal little stove to experiment with new ingredients.
“Do you need any help?” she asked.
But today, Evelia wasn’t here to cook. Her goal was to talk to people and try to connect with them.
Before this, she always just did her own job quietly. She would sometimes give a hand when needed, but she was never the one to start a conversation. Her attitude was more like, ‘I won’t come to you, but if you need me, I can help.’ She was neither friendly nor cold. She just didn’t like getting too involved.
But now, for the first time, she took the initiative and asked if anyone needed help. Her sudden enthusiasm made the people nearby glance at each other in confusion. They weren’t sure what was going on.
“Miss Evelia, is there something you need help with?” They misunderstood her kindness as needing a favor.
“No, not at all. I just wanted to ask if there’s anything I can do to help you.”
Her intentions were pure. She simply wanted to be helpful, hoping it would help her get closer to everyone, learn about their daily lives, and understand how people talk to each other in groups.
But her emotionless expression and stiff voice made the others feel unsure. Even though they didn’t think Evelia was a bad person, they still didn’t dare say yes easily.
“Miss Evelia, we have enough people here. We’re able to manage. Aren’t you supposed to be making dessert for the Lord of the manor? You should just focus on your own work.”
Just like that, Evelia’s kind offer was turned down.
But she didn’t feel discouraged.
Mainly because she barely understood what “discouraged” even meant. And it didn’t really matter to her whether the kitchen staff accepted her or not. She was just there to observe, like some kind of creature trying to study human emotions.
She was looking for feelings because she lacked them. But because she lacked feelings, she didn’t know how to find them.
Evelia was stuck in a cycle with no way out.
After being turned away by the chefs, Evelia went back to her small stove. She flipped through her recipe book and finally chose something that looked normal enough, strawberry-shaped cookies. They were made using dough colored with red strawberry juice.
Of course, Evelia didn’t use strawberry juice, she used tomato sauce instead. To show her sincerity, she even filled them with her favorite and most expensive kind of tomato paste.
The cookies didn’t take long to bake. Armand had morning training that day, so breakfast would be served after he returned. It was still early, and Evelia had plenty of free time. Once she finished baking the cookies, she had time to spare.
She took out the pretty wrapping paper she had prepared earlier and carefully packed each cookie one by one. Evelia didn’t really have a girly personality, but to match the cute appearance of the cookies, she had specially picked out pink, sweet-style wrappers, similar in color to her hair.
“This is a cookie I made.”
If she wanted to get closer to people, she had to give gifts. That was something she had learned a long time ago from the Second Prince.
The Second Prince had won the hearts of the people by giving away lots of things, like money, food, all kinds of donations. Evelia couldn’t afford to give money, so she copied his idea by offering food. These tomato-flavored strawberry cookies were her attempt at “winning hearts.”
She has to connect with them... Evelia reminded herself.
Even though she disliked crowded places and overly friendly people, if she wanted to understand Armand, she had to first learn how feelings worked.
Otherwise... she might not even be able to understand her own feelings.
“Ahh, it’s Miss Evelia’s cookies.”
A few chefs who had just finished a bit of work and were resting became Evelia’s first targets. She handed them her nicely wrapped cookies, watching their reactions closely.
They knew Evelia wasn’t a bad person, but they also knew about her... strange tastes. They had all seen her cooking in the same kitchen before, and they knew just how much tomato sauce she liked to use.
Some of them had even seen her mix the cookie dough with tomato sauce that morning. Now, just opening the wrapping paper, they were hit with the strong tomato smell coming from those red, strawberry-shaped cookies. A smell that seemed sour enough to knock someone out.
“I made these for you. I hope you’ll like them,” Evelia said in her usual flat voice, without a smile or any emotion.
The chefs looked at each other awkwardly.
“Of course we’ll like them, Miss Evelia. Look how cute they are! I’m sure they’ll taste great~”
One of the kind-looking female chefs saw the carefully wrapped strawberry cookie and couldn’t bear to refuse it. So she took a big bite. As soon as the cookie entered her mouth, the sour taste of tomato hit her tongue hard.
Instinctively, she tried to chew quickly and swallow it down, but the tomato jam inside burst out and filled her whole mouth. She forced herself not to spit it out and swallowed it with a grimace and a stomp of her foot.
The two chefs standing nearby watched as the woman chewed in silence for a long time, her face contorted in sourness, swallowing and wincing. They looked at each other, then quietly decided not to eat theirs.
“With such nice packaging, how could we bring ourselves to open it? Miss Evelia, we’ll gladly accept it, thank you!”
“Yes, it looks so pretty. I almost don’t want to eat it~”
The two of them tried to smooth things over, hoping Evelia would be fooled. But even though she didn’t show much expression, she could still read the awkwardness behind their stiff smiles.
To Evelia, a lie was completely and purely a bad thing.
…So they hate it?
She didn’t say anything. Just silently stared at their increasingly uncomfortable smiles. Her sharp gaze made the chefs feel more and more uneasy.
“I see.”
Evelia didn’t press the issue. She quietly replied and walked away with the rest of her cookies.
As she left, she heard a few relieved sighs behind her, which only confirmed they had been lying.
After that, Evelia wandered around the estate with the cookies she had made with great care, offering one to each person she came across. It was like a welcome gift from someone who wanted to be part of the group.
But when people caught the strong tomato scent coming off the cookies, they all hesitated. No one said no outright, but their embarrassed expressions, the way they ran off after just one bite, or even spit it out without thinking, were all deeply etched into her memory.
By the end of her walk, she had two cookies left. Since she had gone out so early, many of the night shift workers hadn’t even started their day yet.
Crunch.
Back under her usual tree, Evelia put one cookie in her mouth. The familiar tomato flavor gave her a sense of comfort, and she liked the burst of juice when she bit into it. But then she noticed the two maids who had just accepted cookies earlier. After tasting them and grimacing, they quickly turned away and ran when they saw her.
Evelia paused.
Quietly holding the last cookie, she walked to the quiet back garden where there weren’t many people. She found a stone bench tucked in a corner and sat down. The cute packaging crinkled in her hands as she tightly squeezed it.
The early morning wind was still cold. It brushed against her nose and made her feel chilly.
Maybe the stone bench had been sitting in the cold all night, because Evelia felt even colder when she sat on it.
…Was it really that bad?
She traced the strawberry shape she had carefully molded beneath the wrapper with her fingers. She didn’t quite know what she was feeling. She just thought, maybe it was because she’d eaten too much tomato jam, that her chest felt sour and a bit uncomfortable.
Evelia's "emotion learning" today had given her some results. At least for now, she had started to experience something called disappointment. Although, she still wasn’t sure what disappointment truly meant.
At first, maybe it didn’t matter. But if everyone reacted like this, then even someone like Evelia, who lacked feelings, could begin to sense that slow buildup of bitterness.
She thought she shouldn’t be bothered by something like this. But her strong desire to understand emotions had now trapped her in confusion.
She knew that as an assassin she wasn’t supposed to need anything. The Second Prince had told her that when she was little. She was just a tool for killing, and as long as she listened and followed orders, she could live without pain or suffering.
She wanted to know.
She wanted to know what Armand truly thought of her. She wanted to understand what kind of relationship they had.
She told herself she was only trying to learn about emotions to carry out her mission. If she understood them, she could better judge her progress.
But...
“……”
Crunch.
Without realizing it, she had pressed too hard. The last cookie in her hand broke in two. The red, heart-shaped strawberry cookie split down the middle. Tomato jam oozed from the unsealed edge, dripping onto the ground, one drop at a time.
“Ah…”
Evelia stared at the tomato jam falling to the ground like blood.
“What is this feeling?”
Why did it feel so bitter?
Was it just because of the cookie?
Or was it because she suddenly realized…
Maybe she wasn’t the one being accepted?