Chapter 143: A Crack in the Feelings
To Evelia, her idea of what a “husband and wife” are was simply, a man and a woman living together. That was it, nothing more.
But if someone asked her whether she thought being a couple was different from just being around other people, Evelia would definitely answer, “Yes.”
However, if asked how it was different, she wouldn’t really know. After all, she had never been married.
She didn’t even understand ordinary emotions, let alone something as complicated as “love.” Even feelings like family bonds or friendship were hard for her to grasp.
To her, all those relationships seemed unnecessary and confusing. They were like problems she could never solve.
What do husbands and wives do? What does it mean to “be in love” or “fall for someone”? Evelia didn’t know any of it.
Still, she didn’t dislike the way she imagined her relationship with Armand.
If she and Armand really were husband and wife…
“Mmm...”
While Evelia was lost in thought, Anna was also trying to make sense of Evelia’s logic. She went over it in her head for a while, and then finally realized something.
“—I never said you and Mr. Armand were actually married!”
She shouted the moment she figured it out, breaking Evelia out of her thoughts.
“...Huh? We’re not?”
For some reason, Evelia sounded genuinely confused.
She really seemed like she wanted their relationship to be real, like she hoped her assumption could come true.
“No, you’re not! I mean, I’d love to get some of your wedding candies, but something like this shouldn’t be mixed up. Otherwise, it would be disrespectful to both of you. A relationship like that needs both people to know what’s going on, and agree on it, Miss Evelia.”
That was, without question, a bucket of cold water.
Evelia was forced to snap out of the imaginary situation she’d created in her head.
“I see.”
Her face showed no emotion, just as usual. Even after hearing something like that, Evelia didn’t look like anything had changed.
But was that really true?
The long silence that followed seemed to say more than her words did.
She swallowed the chocolate cookie in her mouth. But it suddenly tasted dry and flavorless.
A strange irritation rose in her chest like fire. She took a deep breath, trying to push that unfamiliar feeling back down.
“Miss Evelia…”
Anna noticed the change in her mood. She leaned a little closer and gently placed her hand over Evelia’s clenched fist.
“Do you remember what you told me when we first talked?”
“What?”
Evelia lifted her head and looked at Anna beside her.
“When you came to buy underwear, I asked you what it was for. And you told me, it was to seduce a man who didn’t love you, and whom you didn’t love either.”
“......”
Anna’s words brought Evelia back to silence.
That’s right, back then, that was the plan.
Her original goal was to complete the mission by gaining Armand’s trust. Even those revealing outfits she wore were chosen to make Armand feel attracted to her.
Back then, when Anna asked her, Evelia could easily say that Armand was a man she didn’t love, and who didn’t love her either.
But what is “love”?
This word that is so familiar to everyone else was a big question mark to Evelia.
She had never thought about loving someone. She had never thought anyone would love her.
She came to the Knight Commander’s side not to learn or understand human emotions.
…It’s strange.
Evelia quietly murmured in her heart.
What exactly was she thinking about now?
She clearly didn’t need things like this. Then why—
Why did it feel like something tightens in her chest when she thought she had something… and then found out it was all just a misunderstanding?
Ah… she remembered this feeling.
She had felt it before.
Back when she learned she had been lied to, that she couldn’t escape from that place. This was the same kind of feeling she had.
Evelia’s heart, which had been locked away for ten years, began to crack, touched by a memory from her past.
She knew this feeling.
“Anna…”
Evelia gently touched Anna’s hand, which had reached out to her out of concern.
“I feel a little… sad.”
—Yes, sad. That’s what it was.
When she was a child, she still had these kinds of emotions. So she knew, this feeling was sadness. It was sorrow.
Even though her understanding of emotions had become blurry now, she could still prove to herself. This was truly sadness.
“...Eh? Uh—ehhh?!”
Anna was startled by Evelia’s sudden words. Looking at Evelia hanging her head low, clearly unhappy. This beautiful young woman showing such a sorrowful face could break anyone’s heart.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, so sorry…!”
Anna quickly apologized again and again, holding Evelia’s hand tightly.
“I’m sorry! I said something I shouldn’t have! I’m so sorry, Miss Evelia! I didn’t mean to hurt you!”
“......”
Evelia didn’t answer. She was still wrapped in the emotions she had “discovered.” She didn’t even know why this feeling had taken over her so suddenly.
It was supposed to just be a mission.
It was all supposed to be fake.
Her name was fake, her identity was fake, her background was fake, even the body she had now was fake.
She was supposed to be Red Crow, the second prince’s assassin, his most loyal follower. Not this Evelia, this completely made-up Evelia Croyelle...
But…
I want to become her…
Even though she had used the name “Red Crow” for so many years…
Even though her past self, her original body, was supposed to be her true identity…
But Evelia wanted to become “Evelia.” She wanted to throw away what was real. To keep wearing this fake mask forever.
But she couldn’t.
Just as that thought came into her mind, Evelia forced herself to push it down.
I am… “Red Crow.”
And I can only be “Red Crow.”
I must be loyal to the Second Prince. That’s the only reason I exist.
I have nothing else.
I was created by the Second Prince, so I must follow his orders.
—Just like a puppet that can only live by relying on its silver strings.
“Miss Evelia…!”
Seeing that Evelia still wasn’t responding, Anna leaned closer and shouted into her ear.
“Don’t be sad alone, Miss Evelia… I don’t know exactly what you were trying to do from the beginning, but… please, don’t make things harder for yourself. Do what you really want. Do what you believe is right… Miss Evelia, we’re friends. I don’t want to see you like this…”
As Anna spoke, almost like she was begging, she held Evelia’s tightly clenched hands in her own.
“I want you to be yourself, Miss Evelia.”
“……”
Those unfamiliar words left Evelia speechless. She didn’t know how to “be herself.” She didn’t even know who she was.
What she had to do… That was…
Anna had no way of knowing what Evelia was thinking right now. She only knew that the girl who once said she was “trying to seduce a man who didn’t love her” was now so confused.
If only she could help her somehow.
Anna felt guilty inside. She had called herself a strategist, but now she had no idea how to help this girl come out of her darkness.
Anna cursed herself inside. ‘Ahhh—my stupid mouth! Why did I have to bring up the past?! I made Miss Evelia this upset!!!’
“Anna.”
Finally, after a long pause, Evelia spoke.
“I’m here, Miss Evelia! If you need anything, I’ll do it!”
“I…”
What I must do… what I have to do… Yes, I must do it…
I have to complete my mission. I have to make Armand—
“Anna, I want to become the kind of person that Armand would like.”
— I want him… to fall in love with me.