Chapter 234 Part 1: Pretending on the Stage
Grey Dove and Evelia didn’t say much. After politely wishing Evelia good night, Grey Dove left the room and went to Blue Sparrow’s temporary quarters.
Grey Dove had originally wanted to kick Rachel out too, she didn’t care whose room the girl went to, she just didn’t want Rachel getting close to her Red Crow. But Evelia firmly insisted that Rachel stay. She was very firm about it, so Grey Dove didn’t push any further. Even though she was unhappy inside, she swallowed her frustration.
That said, Evelia definitely wasn’t going to cuddle Rachel while sleeping, she wasn’t used to doing that. Honestly, it was already nice enough that she didn’t treat Rachel like a pillow.
Evelia put Rachel on the bed and curled up on the small sofa nearby. She never really had the habit of sleeping properly, and in an unfamiliar place like this, she was even less likely to rest.
Rachel still looked like she wanted to say something more to Evelia, but Evelia didn’t answer. She just opened another packet of tomato sauce and sat quietly on the sofa, staring at the moonlight through the curtains.
That pale moonlight was now shining equally on everyone.
It shone on Carle, who had just returned to the estate by carriage and was staying up all night organizing Knight Order files.
It shone on Salana, who woke up several times from nightmares but held back her tears so she wouldn’t disturb her mother.
It shone on Anna, who, after hearing that Evelia was missing, closed her shop during the day to search everywhere, and then couldn't sleep at night from anxiety, and cried for a long time, covering her face in distress.
It shone on the writer beside Anna, who comforted her by reading fairy tales aloud, massaging her shoulders and legs to help her relax.
It shone on the old butler, who knew something terrible had happened but still forced himself to lie to keep everyone in the manor calm.
And it shone on Armand, who, though completely exhausted, was still rushing along the road.
None of them were sleeping. None of them were resting. Every one of them had looked up at tonight’s moon and muttered, “What a dim light.”
Even Rachel, usually lazy and always eating, wasn’t sleeping.
Maybe it was because she couldn’t fall asleep in a place like this. Or maybe it was just that she’d already slept too much during the day and wasn’t sleepy anymore.
But she didn’t speak either. Like Evelia, she just silently watched the moonlight outside.
Evelia was still thinking about what Grey Dove had said. She had to admit, Grey Dove had a point.
After disappearing like this, how could she possibly return with Rachel safe and sound and not raise suspicion? And even if she did go back, what kind of excuse could she use?
Evelia couldn’t think of one. She didn’t like making up stories.
She didn’t know much, so she didn’t know how to spin a believable tale.
In the past, when she ran into situations she couldn’t explain, she would simply kill the person involved to keep the secret. But now she couldn’t kill Armand.
So even if she planned to return home, she needed a good reason.
Why did she disappear?
Why did she come back?
What happened during that time?
She needed to figure all of that out.
“……”
So she sat there, dazed, staring at the moon above while recalling parts of a romance novel she had read earlier.
But unfortunately, there was no storyline like this in the novel.
In those stories, the male and female leads did start out with misunderstandings, and the heroine would try hard to break down the walls between them.
But…
That wasn’t the case with her and Armand.
Romance novels were too much like fairy tales. Evelia didn’t believe her relationship with Armand was something that could be solved that easily.
In that book, a knight was just a knight, and a maid was just a maid.
But her knight wasn’t just a knight, he was the captain of the entire Knight Order, carrying the weight of someone’s dreams on his shoulders.
And she wasn’t just a maid, she was an enemy assassin, pretending to be a maid, who didn’t even understand human emotions.
The two characters in the novel didn’t have any burdens or secrets. That’s why they could just naturally be together like an ordinary man and woman.
Yeah… just an ordinary couple…
Evelia knew very well that she wasn’t ordinary.
Her identity wasn’t ordinary. After all… she used to be him.
She was once a young man named Furst Talia, but now she had become Evelia Croyelle. Anyone who knew the truth would definitely think it was strange.
So when she started feeling these strange emotions in her heart, it made her feel even more confused.
She knew about feelings, but she didn’t truly understand them. Her thoughts were spinning, but she couldn’t clearly grasp them.
She didn’t even know why she had become like this.
It was just that… whenever she thought about Armand, her heart would beat faster.
When she thought about how they were apart right now, she wanted to go back right away. She wanted to hold him, to lean into him, to see if his body still carried the scent of her perfume.
—She wanted to go back.
She didn’t know why, but this feeling was becoming stronger and stronger.
Even though she couldn’t understand what this emotion meant, Evelia’s thoughts were already focused entirely on Armand, far away.
She wanted to return there.
She wanted to see Armand again.
She wanted to see his comforting smile.
She wanted to look into his crystal-clear blue eyes.
They hadn’t been apart for that long, but she already felt incredibly anxious, and she didn’t even know why she felt this way.
At first, she was okay. Her attention had been focused on finding Rachel, so she was able to stay calm. But now, once things had quieted down again, she started to miss what it felt like to have Armand by her side.
It was like this cold, quiet night made her remember how it felt to sleep next to Armand.
Even though he had only simply held her in his arms, that had been the most peaceful sleep she’d had in many years.
Kind of funny, isn’t it? After being an assassin for so long, the only time she ever felt safe… was in the arms of her enemy, her mission target.
Was this what she really wanted?
Evelia couldn’t help but ask herself this question. But sadly she had no answer.
She was like a newborn child, full of questions, but not knowing how to find the answers.
Then maybe… she should think about it another way.
If she didn’t know whether she wanted something, she could ask herself how she’d feel if she lost it.
What if Armand left her?
What if he married some noble lady from another family?
What if, one day, he died by her blade, because of a mission?
Evelia didn’t want to keep thinking. She didn’t want to face this question she had been avoiding.
…What was she even doing?
She couldn’t help but ask herself.
Is this really the right thing to do?
Unfamiliar emotions flooded her heart, and the sound of her racing heartbeat was like a language she couldn’t understand.
She didn’t know why she felt this way. Only that she was walking a path she had never imagined. And from here on, she might have to pay the price for the choice she had made.
…This was probably not a good choice.
Evelia kept warning herself, just like how Armand once told himself not to fall for her.
‘…I am the “Red Crow,” the Second Prince’s assassin. I can’t… I can’t allow myself to waver like this…’
Evelia wanted to understand emotions, but the more she tried to understand them, the more confused she became.
Feelings really are something that can make people struggle…
But…
“……”
Evelia turned her head in silence again and looked at Rachel, who was watching her.
“Uwah…!”
The sudden gaze made Rachel instinctively look away. Even though she hadn’t done anything wrong, she still felt a chill from Evelia’s intense stare.
Rachel… really wanted to go home.
It was almost like Evelia was giving herself an excuse. She pressed her lips together.
“Let’s go back tomorrow, but I might take a different route.”
She lowered her eyes and looked at the shadow cast by the moonlight.
“But when we go back, we might need to tell the same story. You’ll go along with it, right, Rachel?”
This version of Evelia seemed much softer than the one Rachel had first met.
Before, Evelia would have threatened Rachel with that cold tone, if Rachel didn’t do what she said, Evelia would kill her without hesitation.
But now, Rachel could actually hear a bit of “discussion” in Evelia’s words. Even though Rachel looked like a child only three or four years old, she was actually trying to ask Rachel’s opinion.
Her tone was still firm, but compared to how she used to be, she was already much gentler.
Why? Maybe… because she wanted to go home?
Because she wanted to go back to that place… where Armand was?
And she wanted to go back with Rachel.
Even though everyone here was from the House of Nightingales, and this place should have been much more “suitable” for the assassin called Red Crow, Evelia still chose to be Evelia.
Or perhaps more accurately, she chose to be “Eve.”
“—Of course I will,” Rachel replied.
Since Evelia had already softened her attitude, there was no reason for Rachel to act difficult. Besides, she already wanted to go back to the manor.
Actually, It was kind of funny.
Evelia, Rachel, and Armand… All three of them had ended up going against their original plans.
Armand, who had once decided he would eliminate the spy if things went wrong, was now out there searching for them.
Rachel, who used to think she’d escape the first chance she got and never look back at that dangerous place, now wanted to return to the manor.
And Evelia, who believed she was only completing a mission and would return to the House of Nightingales after she succeeded, was now desperately wanting to see Armand again.
Everything was turning out opposite from what they had expected. Their lives were moving in a direction completely different from what they had planned.
“Alright,” Evelia nodded and turned back, curling up again on the sofa.
It was the same place as before, under the same dim moonlight… but compared to the cold and heavy feelings from just moments ago, she felt much lighter now.
Because she now had a goal. At least for now, she had something she wanted to do.
…………………………………………
When the light of dawn spread across the sky, Armand squinted his eyes.
His blue eyes had lost their usual brightness, now clouded over like a sky covered with dark clouds.
He rubbed his nose and wiped off a layer of dried blood.
It seemed the bleeding had finally stopped overnight. His head still hurt a bit, but he was mostly okay.
He pulled out a small bottle of medicine, threw a few capsules into his mouth, and let the bitter taste spread. It was so unpleasant that it actually helped wake him up more.
Even though he didn’t like eating, he still needed to get basic nutrients every day. Luckily, these supplement-like pills weren’t too affected by his body's resistance to medicine. As long as he took a bit more, they could still help meet his body’s needs.
“You’ve been running all night too, you must be tired,” he said, patting the horse and guiding it toward a small stream.
Not only did Armand need food, the horse needed water and rest too.
A cold breeze blew across the water and hit Armand’s body. The damp chill made him instinctively wrap his coat tighter around himself. He and his horse walked to the riverbank, one to drink, and the other to wash his face.
The icy water stung like needles, making Armand shiver and snap out of his half-asleep state.
He splashed some water onto his forehead and pushed his bangs up, hoping the coldness would help him think more clearly.
Even though they had traveled all night, there was still a long way to go. If they kept pushing, they might arrive in the afternoon.
Instead of rushing nonstop without a break, it was better to rest for a while, both for him and the horse, since they still had another whole morning of travel ahead.
“Haah…”
Armand leaned against a tree near the stream. Even though he had just woken up and the bitter pills and cold water had cleared his mind a bit, as soon as he sat down, the exhaustion wrapped around his body again.
Because of the poison in his system, he really did need to rest. The medicine also had a strong sedative effect, meant for people like him, to help them sleep even if they didn’t want to.
Just like cold medicine often makes people drowsy, this medication was designed to force people with health problems to rest, even if it meant knocking them out.
Armand had originally wanted to make a proper plan. After all, no one knew what the situation at the “old house” was like right now. But since it was daytime, planning didn’t seem to matter much anymore.
Even though he acted like a brute to outsiders, he had been through enough battles to become the captain of the knights. That meant he definitely had the ability to lead and plan.
But now, Armand couldn't focus his mind on such things.
Whether it was the poison in his body or the medicine to suppress it, both made him mentally sluggish. When he was first given the medication, the Crown Prince had explained all the side effects clearly, and Armand accepted it without hesitation, because there were still things he needed to do.
Of course, not all medicines affected his mind, and the effects weren’t always serious. Only those extra-strong “emergency drugs” that forced the poison back would dull his nerves, and even then, the worst side effect was just feeling sleepy all the time. After about two weeks, once the symptoms eased, he’d usually be back to normal.
The medicine Armand took now was a lighter version of that emergency drug, less effective, but still usable. It was a temporary fix, not a real cure. Once he got back and found a safe place to rest, he would take the stronger drugs that might affect his daily life.
The drowsiness from the medicine would go away with time, but the poison inside his body wouldn’t.
Even though the poison seemed to be under control, and Armand could still walk around and annoy the Second Prince when the weather was warm, the truth was that his body was still being damaged.
His brain was one of the organs affected.
One of the palace doctors had once compared Armand’s brain to a clogged toilet. The nerve-affecting poison was the trash stuck in the pipes. The thoughts and memories in his brain were like floating waste in the bowl. When the poison acted up, the toilet clogged. He couldn’t get old memories out, and couldn’t keep new ones in.