Chapter 303: At the Very Least...
Armand's expression was much more serious than before. Even though half of his face was hidden by the fluffy collar of his coat, the look in his eyes clearly showed that something was different about him.
He instinctively wanted to glance at Evelia, but unfortunately, Evelia was extremely sensitive to eye contact. Even though he was usually good at hiding his emotions, if he looked at her now, while he still hadn’t sorted out his feelings, she would definitely notice something was wrong.
So Armand could only stiffly stare ahead, lost in thought about what to do with his future.
Logically speaking, he needed to find someone he could tell all his secrets to. Like a "safe" that could hold everything he must never forget. That way, if one day he forgot too much, he could open that "safe" and remind himself.
But… who could that person be?
Carle? No way. He had his own family now, a wife and a daughter. Why drag him into this mess? Carle probably wanted to retire even more than Armand did. Better to let him enjoy his peaceful life with his family. Armand didn’t want to trouble him anymore.
The old butler? Well, that was possible. After all, the old butler already knew most things about him. But no matter what, he was still just a regular person. There were things he couldn’t handle, and Armand didn’t want to drag him into danger. The man was getting old and shouldn't be involved in such matters anymore.
The royal family? Definitely not. Even though the Crown Prince was fairly trustworthy, Armand didn’t want to reveal that his health was getting worse. He didn’t want to be seen as a useless pawn. He still had things he wanted to accomplish.
As for the others around him... Rachel was out of the question. The only possible choice was Evelia.
She could protect herself, and she could protect others too.
But if that was the case, it meant he would be dumping twenty-plus years of trouble on a woman he’d only known for less than a year, his soon-to-be wife.
At the very least… or perhaps first of all, he should give his real name to Evelia?
Even though “Evelia” wasn’t her real name either, and she never talked about her past, if Armand truly wanted to entrust himself to her, then he should tell her his real name...
...No, maybe he didn’t need to.
After all, the name "Aegmed" wasn’t used anywhere anymore.
In stories, people often used their real names to reveal their identity or reconnect with someone from the past. But now, “Aegmed” had no family left. Everything Armand had now existed because of the name "Armand."
So... maybe there was no need to share it.
Even if he abandoned that name, it wouldn’t change anything.
The person he used to be, the real him. There was no one left to remember him, no one who needed him anymore.
Thinking about it that way made him feel quietly sad.
Even though this fake identity had been with him for a long time, once in a while... he still thought about the life he was supposed to have lived.
He had given Evelia freedom, but for himself, there weren’t many choices left.
…Forget it. It doesn’t matter anymore.
Once the weather warmed up, things would get better.
He would hold the wedding in spring, when the flowers began to bloom. After this long winter passed, he would start preparing to make Evelia his real wife.
Everything would pass... just like snow always melts when winter ends.
“—Mr. Armand? Are you okay?”
Evelia's voice broke his train of thought. Armand looked down toward the sound and saw her gazing at him with a slightly worried look in her eyes.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just thinking about a bunch of random stuff.”
In the end, he still couldn’t bring himself to tell her everything. He chose to keep it all buried deep in his heart and told himself, he would get through it.
Because that’s just how he always was.
Whenever something dangerous and messy came his way, he always faced it alone.
That’s right, he didn’t need anyone else. He could always figure out a solution by himself, it was just a matter of time.
It was like one of those common sayings people joked about, “You’re still alive today because, up until now, you’ve already gotten through every single thing you once thought you couldn’t survive.”
To avoid bothering others, Armand had been keeping many things from Carle. After all, if Carle ever found out that Armand had been quietly dealing with all those issues alone for so many years without ever telling him, he would definitely blow up.
And when Carle got angry... he was really hard to handle.
“...Mr. Armand, are you really okay?”
But Evelia didn’t seem to fully believe Armand’s casual reply. She gently pinched his arm under the thick coat, forcing him to look at her seriously.
“Of course, Eve. Why would you worry about something like that?”
“......”
Evelia looked like she wanted to say something but stopped. Her stare made Armand feel a little nervous.
Evelia used to be part of the group called "House of Nightingale." When she got serious, her eyes naturally gave off an intense pressure. Luckily, Armand was the leader of the knight order, he’d seen a lot. Otherwise, he might’ve been overwhelmed by her presence.
Even though he did have something on his mind and was feeling guilty, he couldn’t back down in front of Evelia.
Back when they first met, they had already gone through this kind of silent showdown.
Armand would occasionally glance at Evelia, thinking of her as a “suspicious person,” while Evelia would sneak looks at her “mission target.” And even when their eyes met by accident, neither of them would look away.
At that time, neither of them could read the other’s gaze. In those blue and golden eyes, it seemed like there was nothing. But also like there were many secrets hidden under the calm surface.
Even now, Evelia still couldn’t see through Armand.
His blue eyes were still as calm as a lake, completely still, with only her reflection in them.
And Evelia, being new to feelings, hadn’t yet fully understood such complicated emotions.
What’s more, because she was just learning what feelings were, she didn’t know how to completely hide or fake them. So all of her thoughts were clearly shown in her eyes. Armand could see everything.
But that was something to be happy about. At least it meant Evelia was truly worried about him.
“Mr. Armand… I’ve been wanting to ask you, what’s been going on with you lately? You’ve been zoning out a lot. Is there something really urgent happening? Is it His Highn—… I mean, the Second Prince? If it’s about him, I can help you. You don’t have to keep me out of it.”
It seemed the Second Prince had left such a strong impression on Evelia that she still hadn’t fully gotten used to calling him casually. Every time she stopped herself from saying “His Highness the Second Prince” and just said “Second Prince,” her heart would tense up a little, as if that small bit of “disrespect” made her feel uneasy.
“It’s nothing. Of course, I’ve just been thinking about the engagement party, and the wedding afterward.”
Armand still acted calm and gave the most reasonable explanation.
“......”
But Evelia’s expression now looked much more serious than before.
“What’s wrong, Eve?”
Trying to ease her doubts, Armand kept asking. That way, he could figure out what Evelia had noticed and what kind of explanation might help him cover things up.
“Nothing... it’s just…”
Evelia paused for a moment. Her grip around Armand’s arm got tighter and tighter.
“...It’s just that... Mr. Armand, haven’t you said this kind of thing many times recently?”
“...What?”
Suddenly, Armand felt a jolt in his heart.
“Mr. Armand, you’ve been asking about the engagement party over and over… and each time, the date you mention is strange. So I started wondering, maybe it’s because something happened with the knights and the event has to be delayed...?”
—Because Armand was still Armand, after all.
He always forgot what he had said before, so the reason he gave was always the same. That was just how his “mind” worked.
He didn’t remember using the same excuse before, so each time he would say something he thought sounded reasonable.
And Evelia just happened to be the person who always got that same answer.
Now, something in her heart seemed to be full of doubt.
And really, who wouldn’t be suspicious?
Hearing the exact same answer every time, like it was a pre-written response, once even made Evelia wonder, ‘Did I accidentally repeat the same day or conversation again?’
If not for the strange time-loop-like things happening to her, just like something out of a fantasy novel, then the only explanation was that something unusual was going on with her Mr. Armand.
He was always distracted, always lost in thought, or just plain sleeping.
Evelia didn’t know what was wrong with Armand. She thought maybe he was just tired. After all, he had to work during the day, plan the engagement party in the afternoon, and still spend all his remaining energy with Evelia at night...
But still...
That strange feeling kept growing in Evelia’s heart.
Maybe it was her instinct as a former assassin, but Evelia was sure, something wasn’t right.
“Ahaha, it’s nothing serious. Work has just been a bit busy. But I’ve already passed most of it to Carle. When this is all over, we should really thank him properly.”
“…I see.”
Evelia leaned against Armand, resting her head on his arm.
“Then Mr. Armand… are you having trouble focusing lately?”
“Hm?”
“I’ve noticed you keep zoning out and don’t hear what people say sometimes. So it feels like… maybe you’re forgetting things?”
“......”
Even though it was said like a question, when those last two words, forgetting things, came out, Armand’s eyebrows twitched slightly.
He pretended to stay calm, but deep down, Evelia’s guess had given him a real scare.
“It’s just because I’m too busy. Staying up late to work makes anyone like this. Didn’t you feel tired too when you used to go on missions?”
Because Evelia had recently started to feel like he was repeating himself, Armand slightly changed the way he explained things. He usually avoided mentioning Evelia’s past as an assassin, but this time, to keep up the act, he had no choice but to bring it up.
“That’s true.”
But Evelia didn’t seem to care about that detail. She just nodded and agreed with what Armand said.
“So Mr. Armand, please make sure to rest well during this time, okay? Don’t keep acting so tired.”
Evelia was quiet for a moment, but in the end, she chose to trust him. Because in her heart, Armand was always the most reliable person. Even though she still felt worried about him, she also believed. No matter what happens, Armand will always find a way to fix it.
“Mhm. I will.”
Armand nodded and gently patted Evelia’s hands that were wrapped around his arm.
“And no more daydreaming, Mr. Armand. Don’t forget the date of our engagement party.”
As she said this, Evelia lifted her head and looked at Armand.
“Or at least, don’t forget that I’m your fiancée.”
“Ah…”
Hearing that, Armand raised his hand and gently rubbed Evelia’s head.
“I’ll never forget.”