Chapter 25: That Rainy Day
“It’s raining…”
By the afternoon, the once bright sky suddenly turned dark. Not long after, a heavy rain began pouring down onto the world below.
The rain came fast and strong, as if the sky had split open, letting everything fall at once.
At the same time, the heat that had covered everything was washed away.
Mu Le sat lazily on a chair, holding a box of ice cream, slowly eating it one bite at a time.
The sound of rain hitting the glass window was clear and crisp. Instead of breaking the quiet, it made the moment feel even more peaceful.
After finishing the ice cream, she threw the box into the trash can nearby and let out a small yawn.
Without noticing, her relaxed days were coming to an end.
After being lazy for two months, Mu Le now felt weak all over.
Of course, what really worried her was not this.
It was how she would face her old friends in her current appearance, and what kind of changes her once peaceful life would go through.
She didn’t know. Even with her imagination, she felt deeply confused.
Life is always full of troubles, and those troubles are also what fill our lives.
Although she felt troubled, after thinking about it for so long, Mu Le had more or less accepted it.
Besides that, there was another, even bigger problem waiting for her to face.
That is…
She might like Xiao Yuze.
The moment this thought appeared, Mu Le almost broke down.
Could it be that she was actually… into men?
To confirm her thoughts, she even asked some experienced people online for related “materials.”
Although their tone was a bit strange, she endured it just to find an answer.
But the result was…
She had no interest at all.
Also, after testing it, she felt nothing toward other men.
And if the things Xiao Yuze did were done by another man, she might even feel disgusted.
It was a feeling hard to explain, very complicated.
Maybe it was something like… it had to be him.
Whether man or woman, it didn’t matter. Just because that person is him.
Is this love? Mu Le didn’t know at all.
Recently, she felt like her mind had turned into a mess. Every day felt unclear, and even she didn’t know what she was thinking.
“Is this really love? But even if it is, what can I do about it?”
Staring blankly out the window, Mu Le suddenly sighed, as if she thought of something.
She raised her hand and looked at her pale fingers.
Even now, she still felt like she was inside a dream. After that first big change, everything started to feel more and more unreal.
She wasn’t someone careless. On the contrary, she was very sensitive.
Such a huge change brought a kind of fear that was hard to describe.
Even if someone pulls you out just before you drown, that feeling of fear doesn’t completely go away.
She has always been afraid, even though she doesn’t know what exactly she is afraid of.
But…
She can’t show it.
That man has always been comforting and taking care of her in his own way. She can’t make him worry.
Besides him, there is also her father, and other family and friends.
There are too many things she can’t let go of, so she can only pretend to be strong. Even if inside, she is not as fine as she looks.
But in the end, is it really that easy to accept changing from a man into a woman?
And the difference in reality is not only about the body.
Mu Le keeps finding things to do. Sometimes she even acts playful and spoiled, just to create the illusion that this kind of life is actually not bad.
But is it really not bad?
It can only be said that it’s both good and bad.
And what she feels for that man, is it really just simple liking?
No… Mu Le actually knows.
It is something complicated, even a little twisted.
Right now, Xiao Yuze is the only person who knows her “past,” and the only one who has stayed by her side since that happened.
They share a secret that belongs only to the two of them. In front of him, Mu Le doesn’t need to be afraid, and she doesn’t need to pretend.
And under that fear and uneasiness, maybe even she doesn’t know when it started—but she began to hold onto him tighter and tighter.
Until, in the end, she couldn’t let go.
Is this feeling love?
Maybe it includes love, but love has never been something this complicated.
Her feelings for that man have already changed so much that she can no longer clearly say what they are.
She just wants to hold onto him and never let go.
But… is that even possible?
Mu Le has asked herself this question many times, and the answer is always the same—no, it’s impossible.
That’s right. Wanting to keep him forever is simply not possible.
One day, he will leave this place. He will get married and have children. What they have now is only temporary.
Mu Le has always known this. Compared to her complicated feelings, his feelings toward her are very simple.
In the past, it was just an older brother caring for a younger brother. And now… maybe it has only changed from brother to sister.
And also, should she really keep holding onto him like this?
He has his own path to walk, people he needs to protect. What right does she have to hold him back?
If it’s only because of these complicated feelings, then she is being too selfish.
That man has already given her more than enough. Being too greedy usually leads to sadness.
And right now, she doesn’t even have the right to hold onto him anyway.
Even if her body has changed, to him, she is still just Mu Le.
Yes… and maybe that is exactly why it feels even more painful.
“Am I… sick?”
Lying on the chair, Mu Le covers her eyes with her hand. Her voice sounds tired.
Recently, her mind has been filled with these complicated thoughts, and she can’t get rid of them.
She has realized her feelings, but she also knows they are not right, and that the other person may not accept them.
At the same time, she keeps doubting her own emotions.
She wants to get closer, but she is also afraid and hesitates.
Humans… really are complicated.
And maybe feelings are so wonderful exactly because they are so unpredictable.
Outside, the rain is still falling. But summer rain comes fast and goes fast.
While Mu Le is lost in her thoughts, the heavy rain has already turned into a light drizzle.
She stands up from the chair and stretches gently.
Maybe… she really should start thinking seriously about her future.
Maybe the future she wants, or maybe the one she doesn’t want.
A future alone, or… a future with someone?
Or maybe… things staying like this isn’t so bad either.