Chapter 41: That Change
The happiest thing in the world is waking up and finding you in my arms.
The worst thing in the world is being threatened with a “third condition” before anything can really happen.
Actually, it’s not that bad. At least she didn’t kick him off the bed, right?
Leaning against the bed, Xiao Yuze watched the girl on the other side getting dressed. He gently rubbed his fingertips.
It felt like that wonderful feeling from just now was still there. He raised his eyebrows, his expression a bit strange.
At that moment, Mu Le suddenly turned around. When she saw his small action, she let out a cold snort.
Then, as if she was really angry, she left the room without saying a word and slammed the door shut.
The loud bang made Xiao Yuze smile helplessly.
He scratched his head and finally stood up, muttering, “Is she angry? No… she’s probably just shy…”
Whether Mu Le was truly angry or not, he could tell at a glance.
Right now, it was more like she got embarrassed and turned angry.
And based on his understanding of her, it was better to let her calm down alone for now. Otherwise, if she really got upset, things would only get worse.
Meanwhile, Mu Le didn’t go back to her room. She went straight to the bathroom.
There, she splashed cold water on her face several times before finally letting out a small sigh of relief.
Looking up at the girl in the mirror, whose face looked a bit unusual, Mu Le rubbed her cheeks hard.
“…Seriously, why am I even shy? It’s just a little teasing… wait… why did I even let Xiao Yuze do that? That’s not right… ahh…”
Thud!
Staring at herself in the mirror, her mind went blank. By the time she came back to her senses, she had already hit her head against the mirror.
And then…
“Ugh…”
The girl crouched down, holding her head. Tears formed at the corners of her eyes from the pain.
But because of that, Mu Le finally felt a bit more grounded. The hazy, dream-like feeling from before disappeared.
Thinking about it, she was even surprised at how calm she had been just now.
But if she had panicked, it would have made things awkward for both of them, right?
Rubbing the sore spot, she stood up, blinked, and adjusted her expression in the mirror.
By the time she walked out of the bathroom, she had completely calmed down, though her hair was still slightly wet.
Then, she ran into Xiao Yuze, who had just come out of his room.
He glanced at her and smiled lightly. “What do you want to eat later?”
He acted as if the “earlier incident” had never happened.
Mu Le glanced at him, snorted again, and ignored him as she walked straight back to her room.
Xiao Yuze raised an eyebrow, about to say something, when the door suddenly opened again. Mu Le stood there expressionless and calmly said two words.
“Steamed buns.”
Xiao Yuze: “Alright.”
………………
The events of the morning passed quickly. By noon, Mu Le didn’t feel much about it anymore.
Of course, she still felt a slight annoyance when facing Xiao Yuze. Or maybe it wasn’t just annoyance… she couldn’t quite explain the feeling herself.
These past few days, Xiao Yuze seemed to be busy with something. After they separated in the morning, she didn’t see him again.
There were no classes in the afternoon, so she accepted Xiao Han’s invitation and went with Xiao Han and Bai Xin to a nearby tea restaurant.
Luo Xinyan had something to do, so it was just the three of them this time.
It was late September. The weather at noon wasn’t too hot, but recently the sky had been gloomy, as if it might rain at any moment.
Sitting by the window, Mu Le bit on her straw and stared outside absentmindedly.
“What’s wrong? Lele, you don’t seem very energetic today,” Xiao Han asked from across the table, sounding a bit confused.
Mu Le wasn’t usually very lively, but this level of low energy was still rare.
She pulled her gaze back and shook her head without speaking.
Bai Xin, however, suddenly showed a mischievous smile. She winked at Xiao Han and teased, “Isn’t it obvious? That expression, this definitely isn’t about herself.”
“Did you and Xiao Yuze have a fight?” Xiao Han asked, tilting her head as she took a sip of milk tea.
“No.”
Mu Le shook her head, looking a bit conflicted. After a while, she let out a small sigh.
“I’m just… a little confused.”
Looking out the window again, Mu Le sighed softly.
How should she describe it? It was a very complicated feeling.
After getting out of that embarrassing mood from the morning, she kept feeling a strange sense of worry, like gaining something and losing it at the same time.
“Ah… the sour smell of love…” Seeing Mu Le’s expression, Bai Xin sighed heavily beside her. “I want to fall in love too!”
“Stop fooling around,” Xiao Han said helplessly, shaking her head. Then she seemed to remember something and looked at Mu Le. “Oh right, Lele, what are you planning to do during the National Day holiday? Do you want to come with us to visit Sister Xinyan’s hometown?”
“…Sorry, I already made plans with Aze to go to the beach,” Mu Le paused for a moment before answering.
“The beach? Hehe… well, can’t be helped. But remember to be careful of that man, Xiao Yuze. I don’t want our Lele to get ‘eaten’ so soon.”
Mu Le: “……”
Ignoring Bai Xin’s meaningful look, Mu Le took a sip of her drink, her feelings a bit complicated.
Eaten…?
Bai Xin’s words made Mu Le think about what happened that morning again.
She wasn’t stupid, just a bit slow to react sometimes. Xiao Yuze probably did have some kind of desire toward her now, right?
But Mu Le didn’t know what kind of desire it was. How did he see that feeling?
Was it just a man’s desire for a woman… or something else? Or maybe both?
Thinking carefully, Mu Le suddenly realized that she had really changed a lot.
The old her would never feel this kind of hesitation and worry.
There was a bit of happiness, but even more confusion.
What did she really want…? And how should she reach for it?
Humans are really complicated sometimes, enough to make people troubled.
Mu Le looked at her pale palm, her eyes becoming slightly unfocused.
Everything seemed calm and orderly, and things were going smoothly, but…
Something was always holding her back, tying her down.
She was just standing still.
“I’m… not really a girl…”
She murmured softly, so quietly that only she could hear it. Resting her chin on her hand, she stared outside in a daze again.
Was it love, or dependence? Did her feelings come from dependence, or did dependence come from love? She suddenly couldn’t tell anymore…
What should I do, Mu Le? she asked herself, hoping for an answer.
Because she wasn’t truly a girl, if she wanted to hold on to happiness again, it seemed… much harder.
And even if she could hold it, how long would it last?
Would she stay like this forever? And if one day she suddenly changed back, then…
This familiar confusion returned. But this time, it wasn’t about herself, but about another person.
It was a bit ironic. Before, Mu Le had been afraid and lost because of this change. But now, after getting used to it a little, she started to feel… maybe this wasn’t so bad.
Maybe it was ridiculous, but she couldn’t laugh.
Mu Le knew clearly that everything now was built on this change.
Maybe it was a game by the gods, or a trick by a demon. She only knew that if one day this change disappeared, nothing could go back to how it was before.
So, she felt very lost.
On one hand, she wanted to show her feelings. But on the other hand, she was afraid. Even if Xiao Yuze liked her too… did she really have the right to like him?
She didn’t know.
Her special situation led to special feelings.
“Hey, Lele…”
While Mu Le was lost in thought, Xiao Han’s voice sounded again. She looked over and saw that Xiao Han was also looking out the window.
“If you really like him so much that you can’t be without him, then don’t hesitate. Because while you hesitate, he might already pass by your side…”
Xiao Han turned and smiled at Mu Le.
“When two people like each other, they both become cowards. Both are afraid, afraid they can’t give the best version of themselves. But if it’s real love, then even if you’re not perfect… that person will still like you.”
Mu Le: “……”
“Because if he truly likes you, then the things he likes also include your imperfect parts. So don’t show that lost and confused look anymore, Lele. Right now… you’re holding onto something that many people would envy.”
This was the first time Mu Le heard Xiao Han say so much at once. While she was still in a daze, Bai Xin patted her shoulder.
“Even though we don’t know what happened between you and Xiao Yuze, that man… is really a good one. If you don’t hold on tightly, someone else might take him away first.”
Mu Le stayed silent for a long time, then finally showed a small smile. “You two don’t even understand, yet you’re trying to comfort me. But… thank you. I think I know what I should do now…”
That’s right. Just worrying and hesitating wouldn’t solve anything. She probably needed some time to sort out her feelings properly.
During this trip, she would figure out what both of them really felt.
Looking out the window, Mu Le bit her straw, and somehow the heavy feeling in her heart seemed to fade a little.
If she kept standing still like this, going in circles, she would never reach the place she wanted.
Even as she is now, she still has the right to love and be loved. Since that’s the case, there’s no reason to stay lost anymore.
No matter if it’s right or wrong, she wants to try.