Chapter 57: That Dream
Peaceful days seem to pass very quickly. But when did she start to feel this sense of calm and ease?
And when did she begin to accept who she is now?
It had only been a few months, yet it felt like a very, very long time had passed.
From a new beginning to a transformation, from rejection to gradual acceptance. These changes had been there from the start, quiet but traceable.
When she vaguely recalled who she was a few months ago, it now felt unreal, like a dream.
It was as if the current self was the real one, and the past ten-plus years were just an illusion, slowly fading.
Even though it shouldn’t feel this way, Mu Le knew that.
So when did she start to feel that maybe… this wasn’t so bad?
Mu Le had a dream. She knew she was dreaming, yet her mind was strangely clear.
In the dream, she saw her past self, her old friends, and even the past Xiao Yuze.
Actually, maybe it wasn’t really “the past,” because in just a few months, aside from her own huge changes, everything else hadn’t changed much.
At the end of the dream stood a child. Mu Le recognized it, it was her younger self.
A child with a family others envied, with parents others were jealous of.
But in truth, Mu Le’s childhood wasn’t happy.
Money and material things meant nothing to her as a child.
A child’s world needs many things, yet also very little.
Adults always think they give children what they want, but they often forget, that’s only what they think the child wants.
What children truly want… is something many adults never really consider.
Of course, Mu Le’s childhood wasn’t dark either. It may have been a little lonely, but not empty.
At least, home was warm.
Until…
The day it broke.
After that, for a long time, Mu Le could no longer feel even a bit of warmth from what used to be that warm place.
But even at a young age, she understood that this might have been the best outcome, even if it caused pain and sadness.
Because forcing things to continue would only make everyone more unhappy. Better short pain than long suffering, maybe that’s the best way to describe it.
In this world, very few things end well if people just keep forcing them.
Someone as sensitive as Mu Le understood this clearly, even if her parents still treated her like a child who knew nothing.
They didn’t know that during those days and nights of arguments, the child they thought didn’t understand was hiding in a corner, watching everything with wide, silent eyes.
Her parents had already endured a lot for her sake. One couldn’t be too selfish, especially toward the people they loved.
But after that, loneliness slowly turned into emptiness.
The once lively home became empty, like a cage she couldn’t escape from.
Only when Mu Cheng came home did she feel… that warmth still existed.
That this was still his home. That at least someone was still by her side.
As she grew up, those childhood memories left deep marks in her heart.
She became more withdrawn, instinctively distancing herself from others.
Mu Le had always been a lonely person, yet she awkwardly rejected anyone unfamiliar from entering her world.
Like a timid rabbit, any small movement was enough to scare her.
Maybe because she had been hurt before, she didn’t want to experience that loneliness again, not even a little.
So she could only lock herself inside her own world, warming herself in her own way. Alone, yet stubborn.
She used words to build the world she wanted, searching inside it for the things she longed for, finding some comfort there.
Mu Le never thought of herself as a positive or cheerful person. Her temper wasn’t good. She was stubborn, picky, quiet, and not very likable.
Many times before, she had thought she would continue like this forever.
Always, always walking forward alone.
Of course, it wasn’t like she had never imagined someone who could share this world with her.
What that person would look like, what kind of personality they would have.
But that small hope was always just a vague image.
Mu Le instinctively felt a bit afraid of people who entered her world, even though she knew that fear didn’t really make sense.
But maybe the hardest thing to understand in the world is humans themselves.
As for why she accepted Xiao Yuze and let him live here, even Mu Le couldn’t clearly explain it.
Maybe it was because living alone would always remind her of her childhood, waking up from nightmares in the middle of the night, with no one there to comfort her.
And why it was Xiao Yuze… maybe it was just fate.
Still, it had to be said that man really had thick skin, almost like a city wall.
He looked gentle and polite, like someone easy to deal with, but in reality, talking to him often felt like punching empty air, you just couldn’t do anything to him.
Without you noticing, he would slowly get closer. And when you realized it, he was already right by your side.
Even Mu Le didn’t know when their relationship had become so close.
No matter the time or situation, he always seemed to appear beside her right away.
Just like when she suddenly changed into her current form, when she couldn’t accept it and was about to break down, it was Xiao Yuze who gave her the strength to stand up again.
He used his hand to slowly pull her out of the darkness, telling her that none of this was scary. It was just a different way of living, not a loss.
At that final moment, he held her hand, and even now, he had never let go.
When she reached this part of her memories, Mu Le suddenly understood.
Why she felt at ease, and why she felt that maybe this life wasn’t so bad.
It wasn’t because she had fully accepted everything about herself…
It was simply because there was someone by her side.
Because they were together, she could feel that maybe things were okay. That maybe things could continue like this.
Why was that? Was it love?
Mu Le didn’t really know. She had thought about it many times, what exactly was this changed feeling?
Was it just holding onto a lifeline in despair, refusing to let go?
Or was it something deeper, something more important?
Was it attachment? Reluctance to let go? Like? Or… love?
Mu Le didn’t know any of it. She wasn’t very good at thinking too much. If she did, her head would hurt and she would feel troubled.
But there was one thing she could say clearly.
She liked being with Xiao Yuze. There was no special reason… she just liked it.
Does liking someone need a reason?
Maybe it does, but Mu Le didn’t need one. At least, not right now.
At the end of the dream, Mu Le saw her past self again.
“That boy” looked at her and smiled, a bright smile without any sadness, as if “he” didn’t care about what “he” had lost.
Mu Le felt a mix of emotions. In the end, she waved at him.
“Well… goodbye.”
Yes, she should have said that long ago.
Being stubborn should have limits. The past will always become the past, something that only exists in memories.
If life keeps being held back by the past, then it becomes too dull.
Whether it was her childhood memories or the sudden change, they all belonged to the past.
It was time to let go.
“Do your best,” the other her nodded, and finally disappeared from the dream.
Mu Le knew that from now on… her past self would probably never appear in her dreams again.
Because now, there were more and better things to fill that emptiness.
Even if what she let go of… was her past self.
……………………
When Mu Le opened her eyes, they felt a bit blurry, as if covered with a thin layer of tears.
She rubbed her eyes, yawned, and slowly sat up from the soft bed.
Outside the window, the sunlight was warm.
Outside the door, a man’s gentle voice sounded softly.
“Lele, hurry up and get up. Time to eat.”
Mu Le blinked, then suddenly smiled, even she didn’t quite know why she was smiling.
“Got it, you’re so annoying,” she muttered, but still got up obediently and started getting dressed.
Sometimes, unexpected changes, even something like a prank from fate, might just be there to help you catch something you would otherwise miss.
Change itself is not scary.
What’s truly scary is changing, and still ending up losing everything.
When your heart is full and no longer empty, there is nothing left to fear.
Because when it’s already full, there’s no space left for messy, unnecessary things.
Well… maybe that’s why people in love seem to get a little less smart.