Chapter 105: Can We… Still Go Back?
Anna clenched her fists. The elegance she once had was gone. She turned her head away and said,
“I’ll handle this matter properly. Let’s stop here for today. Let’s go back.”
“It’s good that you’ve thought it through. Let’s go, it’s getting dark,” Lisa said.
“Okay.”
Anna turned back for one last look at the gray building. Then she finally left this place behind.
She heard Lisa handing over small change, and the sound of the horse carriage starting again. After getting back into the carriage, Lisa said,
“I’ll get off when we reach the main street. As for you, I’ll ask the driver to take you back to your estate. I’ve already paid, so you can just get off when you arrive.”
Anna shook her head. “You don’t have to do this.”
Lisa pressed her lips together. “I want to. After what happened last time, when we almost died, I suddenly became curious… what kind of mindset Peiya had when she used to do all these things. I know you might think this is childish, but maybe this is the only thing I can do.”
Anna sighed. “You’ve changed too. You weren’t like this before.”
That near-death experience really seemed to have woken Lisa up.
“I don’t know… I still can’t let go of the past. Doing this just makes me feel a little better.”
“Peiya helped you a lot before, right? In my opinion, you only changed because you felt like you were about to fail. Stop lying to yourself, you want to become another Peiya. If you feel embarrassed about what happened before, you can say I was the one who told you to do those things. How about that?”
Lisa looked at Anna strangely and shook her head.
“No. I can’t do that. This is just me overthinking things. Honestly, if you don’t make fun of me, it feels a bit strange.”
“We’re not that different. I feel uncomfortable too. The hardest thing for me to accept is that… I always thought I cared about someone else.”
“Well, I’m a bit better than you in that case. Do you remember? When we drove him away last time, I said the worst things.”
“So now you’re apologizing to me? He’s not my person anymore. If you want to apologize, go find him yourself.”
Anna didn’t want to continue this topic. The atmosphere felt too heavy.
“I’m not. I already said it, my best apology is to stay away. During the last family test, I couldn’t use any magic at all. Then I had a dream. I remembered how, during past tests, I always asked Peiya to make magic staffs for me. I almost forgot what my real magic level is. So this failure… maybe it was expected.”
Anna glanced strangely at Lisa, then at the magic staff at her waist.
“You’re just avoiding apologizing because you don’t know how to say it. When you say ‘stay away,’ it’s just an excuse. Like you said before, we were the ones who drove him away. Saying that now… isn’t that just you forgiving yourself in his place?”
Lisa: …
“Yes, I don’t know how to say it. But right now, we can’t even find him.”
“That has nothing to do with apologizing. I don’t know why, but I suddenly feel disgusted with my past self.”
“That’s because you know that without him, we won’t make it. Let me ask you, if Peiya doesn’t care about what happened before at all, would you feel like your apology was meaningless?”
Lisa’s question hit the point directly. Anna couldn’t help but hesitate.
“I would… I would feel like I was just overthinking.”
“Forget the second half. The first part is your real thought, right? So tell me, Anna, are you really planning to see him again and hurt him a second time? Because once things go back to normal, you’ll start noticing his flaws again… and you’ll hesitate all over again.”
“Then I can’t just do nothing, right?” Anna raised her head and looked straight into Lisa’s eyes.
“But this is just something you’re doing to convince yourself,” Lisa said. “Just like me earlier. Since we’ve come this far, we might as well speak more honestly. Don’t tell me you’re planning to rely on Stella to help us convince Peiya to come back. This time, it’s only up to the two of us. I’m not joking. If he really goes to the church, he’ll only get further and further away from us.”
Anna’s eyes shook slightly. In the end, she sighed.
“Yes, you’re right. I am that kind of person. But after he left… I feel really uncomfortable. At the party today, I didn’t even feel like eating. He’s not cooking for me anymore. I haven’t had a proper full meal in a long time. And my house is a mess, the servants can’t do anything properly.”
She buried her face in her arms and spoke her true feelings.
“Then why did we drive him away in the first place, Anna?” Lisa asked.
“I don’t know. I really didn’t think he would leave. I thought he would still comfort me like before, cook for me… I mean, I’m quite pretty, staying with me isn’t a loss… and also… he needed money so much, so why did he leave so decisively?”
Anna bit her lips, not knowing what else to say. The fight with the Ice Bear King had already drained her a lot.
She felt that the reason she could face these feelings now was not just because they almost died, but because now she finally had a chance to say them out loud.
The carriage kept moving, and Anna sat inside, recalling everything from the past.
She never expected that in less than a month, her whole life would change so much.
Had she figured things out?
Not really. She still felt confused.
It was like she had been disconnected for days. The moment she opened her eyes, everything was gone.
Like waking up from a dream, only to find herself falling from a great height with no protection.
“So, you still haven’t figured it out,” Lisa said. “I won’t keep talking about it, or I’ll feel bad too. Anyway, we’ve reached my stop. I’ll get off here. You should go back early and rest. On Monday, let’s meet at the guild and think of a solution together. Also, the Adventurers’ Guild festival is coming soon. If you really want to find him, maybe you can try your luck there.”
“A festival?” Anna raised her head, as if grabbing the last bit of hope.
At this point, Anna didn’t have many other ideas left.
No matter what, her future wouldn’t become so bad that she had to rely on the Adventurers’ Guild to survive.
Even if the Dawn guild fell apart, she could just go back home and inherit her family business. She wouldn’t end up starving.
What really hurt Anna was this…
She couldn’t go back to how things used to be.
She didn’t have to worry about food or money. But the source of her happiness was gone.
Even if the guild disbanded and her life returned to normal, it wouldn’t solve the real problem.
That was Anna’s true nightmare.
Lisa nodded as she got off the carriage.
“That’s right. It’s the biggest event the Adventurers’ Guild will have soon. If you wait any longer, you might really lose your chance.”
“I understand. I’ll think about it carefully. What about you? Will you come?”
Lisa looked up at the empty street, then lowered her head to fix her loose shoelace.
“Probably. But first I have to go home and deal with my father’s scolding. If I don’t find a way to get stronger soon, I might not even get the chance to see you all again.”
Anna bit her lips.
“Do your best. I believe you can do it. As for everything else… I don’t know how to say it, but I hope the Dawn guild can have a good ending. Because there’s one thing I didn’t lie about before, when I brought everyone together into one guild, I was truly happy.”
“Yeah… I hope so too. Alright, I’m leaving. Goodbye.”
“Goodbye…”
Anna sat back in the carriage. Outside, the sunset clouds filled the sky with red light.
But her legs felt terribly cold.